The title “Stop Yelling” may seem as though it’s a patronizing book — but it’s the opposite. With her new book, parent educator and certified professional coach Laine Lipsky wants to empower parents to regain their confidence, composure and peace through the obstacles of parenthood.
In her recently released book, Lipsky said she knows first-hand the difficulties of parenting and wants to offer the right tools and techniques to help parents calmly guide their children even in the most tiresome of times.
Learn more about Lipsky and her book in this Q&A.
Why did you write this book?
I wrote “Stop Yelling” and created The Stop Yelling Training Program because this is the #1 problem parents bring to me. Parents hate yelling at their children – it feels awful and the guilt afterward is devastating. Parents promise they’ll stop yelling – and they mean it – but when stress elevates, it’s their go-to reaction. My goal with the book and training program is to empower parents with the skills needed to stop yelling at their children.
How does your book encourage parents or guardians to stop yelling?
As a former elite athlete and college coach, I take an athletic approach to parenting. My step-by-step process isolates the elements parents need to be calmer even when they’re at wits’ end. I think of parenting as a marathon and parents as the runners – one milestone is to stop yelling but the ultimate goal is to be a calmer and happier parent. My book and program lead parents to that beautiful result.
Being a parent is hard and sometimes yelling is unintentional. What would you say to anyone who may say “yelling is sometimes natural” or “we are only human”?
Absolutely correct! Yelling is a natural expression of many things – anger, frustration, excitement, encouragement, and fear, to name a few. But when yelling is a frequently-used parenting tool, when it is the main tactic for getting kids to behave or when it is the knee-jerk reaction of a parent who can’t control their reaction … that’s when yelling is a problem. A lot of research shows the negative short- and long-term effects on children who are exposed to frequent yelling. We all know how awful it feels to be yelled at. Parents love their children and don’t want them to be in pain, let alone be the ones who are causing the pain. Being yelled at damages the brain and impacts a child’s self-confidence. It’s important for parents to have a variety of tools to use along their parenting journey. The more tools we have in our toolkit, the less we need to yell.
Do you think that encouraging people, especially moms, to stop yelling is almost asking for parents to be perfect rather than be human? Why or why not?
As a recovering perfectionist myself, I have learned to practice “imperfectionism.” In my mind, there is no such thing as a perfect parent or a perfect human. If parents learn how to stop yelling (yes, it’s a skill that can be learned when it’s properly taught), they will be calmer and happier. A calmer and happier parent will lead to calmer and happier kids which leads to calmer and happier homes. No perfection needed.
5. What are your top five tips on how to stop yelling?
1. Treat it like a worthwhile skill
2. Be kind to yourself as you practice
3. Develop daily practices to cultivate calm
4. Join a supportive parenting tribe
5. Find an excellent guide, one whose style resonates with you
Parenting is hard but it can be made a lot easier (and a lot more fun!) when you have the tools, training, and support that feel best to you. There is no shame in getting parenting help – try to see it as an act of love! Stop beating yourself up for making mistakes – but start getting help so you can be the parent you long to be. You and your kids deserve to be calmer and happier.
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